Random Warriors Fanfiction
(Talon and Night come to ask Thunderclan for help)
Brambleclaw: We should bring the cats who originally came on the journey to sun-drown place.
Leafpool: OMG! Crowfeather’s going to be there? Can I come?
Jaypaw: Why would you want to be there?
Leafpool: He’s your father for Starclan’s sake!
Jaypaw: Wait what?
Firestar: But I wanted to take Jaypaw.
Leafpool: NOO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!
Firestar: Ok, calm down.
Brambleclaw: But we won’t have a medicine cat.
Leafpool: Who cares?
Jaypaw: Wait, Crowfeather’s my father?
Hollypaw: I’ll kill you for that, Leafpool.
Lionpaw: Yawn.
Brambleclaw: Wait, these aren’t my kits? I’ll kill you Squirrelflight.
Squirrelflight: (Waking up) Wha..?
Leafpool: SO ITS DECIDED I’M COMING WITH YOU!
Hollypaw: I have to kill you first!
Leafpool: NO NEED, I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU WARRIORS OUT OF MY HAPPINESS.
Lionpaw: Awesome!
Hollypaw: I forgive you!
Jaypaw: Can I be Jayhalfmoon?
Hollypaw:Ooh! I wanna be Hollybreeze!
Lionpaw: Why would you want to be that?
Hollypaw: Breezepaw is awesome.
Lionpaw: Oh. Can I be Lionheather? LONG LIVE HEATHERSTAR!
Everyone: (stares)
Lionpaw: What?
Leafpool: OK. So, I, Leafpool, call down upon my medicine cat ancestors, blah blah blah. Jaypaw I name you Jayfeather in honor of your father.
Jayfeather: I AM SO HONORED.
Leafpool: Hollypaw can be Hollyleaf, in honor of my name.
Hollyleaf: cool.
Leafpool: Lionpaw can be Lionblaze for no particular reason.
Lionblaze: Awesome!
Firestar: Now, lets go summon the other cats.
Brambleclaw: What now?
Firestar: Find some random cats to fetch Tawnypelt. Then go fish Stormfur from the stream.
Brambleclaw: (Grabs fishing rod) I’m on it! (hurries away)
Firestar: Leafpool, go find Crowfeather.
Leafpool: YIPEEEEEE!!! (Texts Crowfeather and races to Windclan camp with Jayfeather)
-In Windclan camp-
Leafpool: I DEMAND TO SEE CROWFEATHER!
Onestar: Who?
Leafpool: Crowfeather.
Onestar: Who’s that? Oh, I remember now!
Nightcloud: Hello Leafpool.
Leafpool: Grrr….What have you done with Crowfeather!
Jayfeather: May I speak?
Nightcloud and Leafpool: NO
Onestar: Is Crowfeather cheating on Nightcloud?
Nightcloud: Gasp!
Leafpool: YES HE VERY MUCH IS.
Crowfeather: (appears) Leafpool! I got your text.
Leafpool: (faints)
Jayfeather: Hi dad.
Crowfeather: Is this blind kit my son!
Jayfeather: Is this scrawny cat my dad?
Breezepaw: That scrawny cat is MY dad!
Crowfeather: No im not, Blackstar’s your dad.
Nightcloud: Gasp!
Breezepaw: I am utterly revolted.
Onestar: WAIT. YOU’RE HALF-CLAN GET OUT OF HERE IM KICKING YOU OUT.
Breezepaw: Whatever. (leaves)
Crowfeather: (leans over Leafpool.) SPEAK TO ME LEAFPOOL!
Leafpool: (revives) oh, Crowfeather!
Crowfeather: oh Leafpool!
-Moment-
Jayfeather: Onestar, can we buy Crowfeather from Windclan?
Onestar: How much you got?
Jayfeather: We have Ashfur.
Onestar: Deal.
Jayfeather: CROWFEATHER, YOU ARE A THUNDERCLAN CAT NOW.
Crowfeather: I am? Awesome!
Leafpool: But I’m a medicine cat.
Crowfeather: Who cares?
Jayfeather: HALF-MOON I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU!
Leafpool: Who’s Half-Moon?
Jayfeather: No one…
Crowfeather: Suspicious.
Leafpool: I know right.
Nightcloud: BARLEY WHERE ARE YOU MY LONG LOST LOVE!
Crowfeather: I thought you liked Blackstar.
Nightcloud: IT’S ALL A LIE! (runs to barley’s barn.)
Heathertail: WAIT. YOU CAN’T HAVE CROWFEATHER UNTIL WE HAVE ASHFUR.
Onestar: Get Ashfur, Tallstar.
Tallstar: (appears from Starclan) Ok. (Goes to haunt ashfur)
Heathertail: WAS THAT A STARCLAN CAT?
Whitetail: With extra cheese.
Leafpool: We’re taking Crowfeather now.
Onestar: ok.
Ashfoot: I know I should care, but I don’t.
Onestar: YOU ARE SUCH A BAD CAT ASHFOOT I BANISH YOU. GO LIVE WITH BREEZEPAW!
Ashfoot: Whatever. (leaves)
Tornear: Who’s deputy now?
Onestar: Ashfur.
Tornear: YES!
Whitetail: Would you like cheese on that sir?
Jayfeather: I like mushrooms.
Tornear: I would like some pickles!
Tallstar: (returns with Ashfur) You’re ordering pizza?
Onestar: Yes
Tallstar: Put rabbit on it.
Ashfur: Ew, no rabbit, you should add squirrels. SQUIRRELFLIGHT DON’T LEAVE ME!
Onestar: Ashfur! You’re here.
Tallstar: I’m going to haunt some other cat now…(leaves)
Ashfur: Yes, I am very much here.
Crowfeather: Woo! This means that I’m Thunderclan now!
Ashfur: Wait, I’m Windclan?
Onestar: Yes. And you’re also deputy.
Ashfur: AWESOME. MY FIRST COMMAND AS DEPUTY IS TO FETCH ME A SQUIRREL.
Whitetail: Would you like some cheese on that?
Ashfur: No.
Whitetail: (hurries off)
Jayfeather: If we’re not getting pizza, can we leave.
Onestar: Ok, but we’re not delivering your slice.
Leafpool: Come on Crowfeather! (Dashes back to Thunderclan without Jayfeather)
Jayfeather: I thought I existed.
Onestar: You must be so blind.
Jayfeather: As a matter of fact I am.
Onestar: OMG THERE IS A BLIND CAT WITHIN OUR MIDST!
Jayfeather: Yes, yes there is.
Onestar: CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
Jayfeather: (Signs leaf)
Onestar: (faints)
Jayfeather: I’m leaving now. Got to tell Firestar that I traded Ashfur for Crowfeather.
Ashfur: YOU did that? YOU took me away from Squirrelflight?
Jayfeather: Don’t worry you’ll see her again.
Ashfur: When? Where?
Jayfeather: On your pizza. (leaves for Thunderclan)
-Now in Thunderclan-
Jayfeather: I’m back. (nobody notices)
Leafpool: I can’t believe you’re deputy now!
Jayfeather: Who, me?
Leafpool:(Notices Jayfeather) No way, Crowfeather is.
Jayfeather: So my father is still deputy huh?
Leafpool: You should be so proud!
Jayfeather: What about Brambleclaw?
Brambleclaw: I’m over here. (Sulking in corner)
Jayfeather: Hello
Brambleclaw: Hi
Crowfeather: HA! IN YOUR FACE BRAMBLECLAW!
Brambleclaw: mumble grumble moan groan.
Firestar: CATS OF THUNDERCLAN. CROWFEATHER IS OUR NEW DEPUTY. EVERYBODY THANK JAYFEATHER FOR TRADING ASHFUR.
Everyone: THANK YOU JAYFEATHER.
Jayfeather: Crowfeather’s just better than Ashfur.
Leafpool: I know right.
Brambleclaw: We can go to the mountains now, Tawnypelt’s over there.
Tawnypelt: Hi everyone.
Everyone: Hello Tawnypelt.
Jayfeather: Can I order pizza?
Firestar: Yes, but make sure you order extra cheese.
Whitewing: And pepperoni.
Crowfeather: Don’t forget the mushrooms.
Stormfur: And the sardines!
Everyone: (stares)
Stormfur: What? Sardines are awesome.
Jayfeather: Right, so we’re getting extra cheese, pepperoni, and mushrooms.
Stormfur: And sardines.
Jayfeather: That’s Riverclan pizza, no way.
Firestar: I’ll punish you if there is sardines on our pizza.
Stormfur: aww…
Firestar: You can buy your own pizza, but I’m not paying for it.
Stormfur: I haven’t got any money!
Firestar: And your not stealing mine.
Talon: Aren’t you supposed to be helping us?
Jayfeather: Maybe.
Tawnypelt: But we have to eat before we go.
Jayfeather: We’ll be stronger if we eat pizza.
Firestar: With extra cheese.
Whitewing: And Pepperoni.
Crowfeather: And Mushrooms.
Stormfur: And Sardines!
Crowfeather: NO SARDINES.
Stormfur: humph…
Tallstar: (appears) I’ve come to haunt a random cat.
Crowfeather: You should haunt Stormfur, he wants sardines on our pizza.
Tallstar: SARDINES ARE DISGUSTING. I AM GOING TO HAUNT YOU STORMFUR.
Stormfur: NOOOOOO!!!
Tallstar: (haunts)
Stormfur: Brook, Squirrelflight, Lionblaze! Save me!
Brook: (waking up) Wha..?
Squirrelflight: (waking up again) Wha..?
Lionblaze: (waking up) Wha..?
Bluestar: (appears) I’ll help you haunt Stormfur, Tallstar.
Tallstar: Good idea.
Bluestar: (haunts Stormfur.)
Leafpool: Is the pizza here yet?
Jayfeather: It should be.
Firestar: There it is! (doorbell rings)
Nightcloud: Did somebody order a pizza with extra cheese, mushrooms, and pepperoni?
Crowfeather: Nightcloud!
Leafpool: Crowfeather!
Jayfeather: Leafpool!
Hollyleaf: Jayfeather!
Lionblaze: Millie!
Everyone: (stares)
Lionblaze: (confused) What?
Nightcloud: That would be five dollars.
Firestar: I haven’t got any money. Stormfur does though.
Stormfur: WHAT?
Nightcloud: Cough up, Stormfur.
Stormfur: I haven’t got any money.
Night: Can we please get moving? The Tribe is in trouble.
Leafpool: Hush, we’re in the middle of a crisis!
Talon: For the Tribe of Endless Hunting’s sake, here! (Hands Nightcloud five dollars)
Nightcloud: Thank You. (leaves)
Jayfeather: Woo! Pizza! Dig in everyone!
Firestar: Not you though Stormfur.
Stormfur: WHY NOT?
Firestar: YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME? I HEREBY BANISH YOU FROM THUNDERCLAN.
Stormfur: Whatever. (leaves)
Brook: Stormfur come back!
Firestar: I ALSO BANISH YOU.
Brook: Whatever. (leaves)
Talon: Brook come back!
Firestar: BEGONE.
Talon: Whatever. (leaves)
Night: Talon! Come back!
Firestar: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
Night: Whatever. (leaves)
Brackenfur: Woo. Finally got rid of them.
Sorreltail: More pizza for us! (everyone eats pizza)
Dustpelt: So we’re not helping the Tribe?
Firestar: Why should we?
Jayfeather: What did the Tribe ever do to help us?
Squirrelflight: We still have one more problem.
Everyone: What?
Squirrelflight: What are gonna do about Stormfur?
Everyone: (looks at Stormfur who is still being haunted.)
Stormfur: Help me! I’m dying!
Firestar: You’re still not getting any pizza, you know.
Stormfur: NOOO!!
Brackenfur: Wait, wasn’t Stormfur banished?
Firestar: Your right. STORMFUR YOU DISOBEYED ME BEGONE ONCE AGAIN.
Stormfur: Whatever. (leaves)
Bluestar: Hey! We were haunting that cat!
Tallstar: Let’s go haunt someone else.
Snowfur: (appears from Starclan) OOO! I want to haunt someone!
Blustar: You’re in.
Snowfur: Can I bring Whitestorm? And Thistleclaw?
Bluestar: You can bring Whitestorm, but not Thistleclaw.
Snowfur: YAY.
Bluestar: As long as I can bring Oakheart.
Snowfur: Ok.
Tallstar: Can I bring Crowfeather?
Bluestar: But he’s alive!
Tallstar: Our victim will be spooked by being haunted by a LIVE cat!
Snowfur: OMG YOU’RE RIGHT. COME ON CROWFEATHER!
Crowfeather: Awesome. Can I bring Leafpool?
Leafpool: Yes! Please!
Bluestar: (sighs) Fine…but no one el-
Leafpool: Come on Jayfeather! Join the fun!
Jayfeather: Cool. I’m going to hang out with Starclan cats once more. Let’s bring Half-Moon though.
Leafpool: Who?
Jayfeather: No one…
Crowfeather: Suspicious once more.
Bluestar: HEY-
Jayfeather: Let’s also take Lionblaze.
Lionblaze: And Heathertail!
Everyone: (stares)
Lionblaze: What?
Jayfeather: And Hollyleaf.
Hollyleaf: Yay! Let’s bring Breezepaw too!
Lionblaze: (stares)
Everyone: (stares at Lionblaze)
Lionblaze: What?
Bluestar: HEY-
Crowfeather: How about Feathertail?
Leafpool: NO.
Bluestar: ENOUGH WE ARE NOT BRINGING ANY MORE CATS.
Everyone: aww…
Bluestar: So, let me summon all the cats. (summons Breezepaw, Heathertail, Hollyleaf, Crowfeather, Leafpool, Feathertail, Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Whitestorm, Oakheart, and Half-Moon)
Half-Moon: Jay’s Wing!
Jayfeather: Half-Moon!
Crowfeather: Half-Moon? Who’s that?
Jayfeather: no one…
Half-Moon: I AM REVOLTED JAY’S WING. (leaves)
Jayfeather: NOO!!
Crowfeather: YEEES!
-moment-
Bluestar: OAKHEART!
Oakheart: BLUESTAR!
Crookedstar: (appears from Starclan) STOP BETRAYING YOUR CLAN, BROTHER.
-moment-
Lionblaze: HEATHERTAIL!
Heathertail: GET AWAY FROM ME!
-moment-
Crowfeather: FEATHERTAIL!
Feathertail: CROWPAW!
Leafpool: BEGONE!
-moment-
Hollyleaf: BREEZEPAW! MY HALF-BROTHER HAS RETURNED!
Breezepaw: HOLLYPAW! I WAS JUST PLOTTING MY ATTACK ON CROWFEATHER!
Crowfeather: WHAT?
-moment-
Snowfur: WHITESTORM! MY ONLY KIT!
Whitestorm: Hello Snowfur, I have pleasure in meeting you.
-moment-
(And so, Breezepaw is killed by Crowfeather, Feathertail was kicked out by Leafpool, Half-Moon left when offended by Jayfeather, Oakheart was taken away by Crookedstar, and Heathertail ran away from Lionblaze.)
Snowfur: So now we only have Tallstar, Bluestar, me, Whitestorm, Crowfeather, Leafpool, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Jayfeather.
Bluestar: OAKHEART, COME BACK!
Leafpool: IN YOUR FACE FEATHERTAIL!
Jayfeather: I DIDN’T MEAN IT, HALF-MOON!
Lionblaze: I AM SORRY HEATHERTAIL!
Crowfeather: HA! BREEZEPAW IS FINALLY GONE!
Hollyleaf: BREEZEPAW! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE!
Tallstar: There are a lot fewer cats now.
Whitestorm: I am happy to be in the midst of you all.
Firestar: Right, so who wants dinner?
Jayfeather: I do!
Whitestorm: I am feeling rather famished.
Bluestar: Have you any mouse?
Tallstar: Is there any rabbit?
Snowfur: I am feeling a bit hungry…
Lionblaze: HUNGER.
Hollyleaf: Is it part of the Warrior Code to eat with Starclan cats?
Crowfeather: Would you like dinner, Leafpool?
Leafpool: Yes, I would, Crowfeather.
Firestar: Then it’s settled! (tosses fresh-kill to everyone)
Crowfeather: Hey! Leafpool didn’t get one. (Steals Jayfeather’s mouse)
Jayfeather: Firestar, Crowfeather stole my mouse!
Leafpool: No he didn’t, you just don’t exist. You must be so blind.
Jayfeather: But you are a light brown tabby she-cat and Crowfeather is a dark-gray tom.
Leafpool: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Crowfeather: Maybe he sees with his ears.
Jayfeather: I HAVE SEEN YOU BOTH FROM STARCLAN.
Bluestar: OMG LOOK IT’S A FLYING HEDGEHOG.
Crowfeather: Where?
Bluestar: Nowhere. Now be quiet and let us eat.
Jayfeather: But I don’t have any fresh-kill, where’s my fair share?
Firestar: Oh, go catch a mouse.
Jayfeather: I can’t.
Firestar: Why?
Jayfeather: I’m blind remember?
Firestar: I thought you could see with your ears.
Jayfeather: Well, I can’t.
Firestar: Then you starve.
Jayfeather: See if I heal you when you get sick.
Firestar: We’re all too healthy to get sick.
(Dustpelt starts coughing.)
Firestar: It’s only one cat.
(Brackenfur and Sorreltail start coughing.)
Firestar: Three, no big deal.
(Graystripe, Millie, Ferncloud, Spiderleg, Sandstorm, Cloudtail, Cinderheart, and Poppyfrost start coughing.)
Firestar: LEAFPOOL, SAVE US.
Leafpool: They all have greencough!
Firestar: DO SOMETHING.
Leafpool: I just retired from being a medicine cat.
Firestar: When?
Leafpool: When Dustpelt started coughing.
Firestar: JAYFEATHER, SAVE US.
Jayfeather: Where’s my fresh-kill?
Firestar:NOOOOOOO!
Jayfeather: I’m waiting.
Firestar: You don’t get any, you don’t exist remember?
Jayfeather: Then I won’t heal your clan.
Firestar: OK YOU CAN HAVE MY SQUIRREL!
Jayfeather: (eats squirrel) Right, so do we have any catmint?
Firestar: No.
Jayfeather: Then I can’t save your clan.
Firestar: NOOO!!
Tallstar: I’ll save your clan. (sprinkles magic dust over sick clanmates)
Dustpelt: I’m alive!
Millie: I can breathe!
Ferncloud: We’re cured!
Firestar: I didn’t know that Starclan cats could do that.
Bluestar: Well, we can.
Firestar: That’s nice to know.
THE END
